Day by Day

to see Thee more clearly
to love Thee more dearly
to follow Thee more nearly
Day by Day...

What a great idea. It's what I really, really want. I suppose it is good to recognize spiritual restlessness and to hunger for more of Jesus. What am I DOING about it? I've said I need to journal more, to pray w/ focus, to get my arse out of bed and do so to start the day. Will I? Maybe by stating this out loud it will encourage me to actually do it. Maybe.

Take me back

Sitting at the concert Saturday night, tobyMac breaks into 'Jesus Freak' by dc talk. I VIVIDLY remember hearing that song for the first time; it blew my mind. I had heard nothing like that in Christian music, and it stuck. They changed the landscape with that song and album. Hearing it 10 years later, live, it took me back to the Sioux City Auditorium with a handful of youth from the Union Memorial Church; seeing the album tour for that album, seeing Toby jump off the stack of speakers into the crowd...who knew being a follower of Jesus could be so...freaky? Now...I think of the kids, hearing it for the first time tomorrow (I plan on unleashing it on them in the morning)...I hope it blows their mind as much as it still does mine!

Happy Birthday, Kari!!!

33 things I love about you:

your heart for Jesus.
your passion.
your love of others.
your smile.
your eyes.
how you parent.
how you teach.
the way you love the world.
the way you love me.
the way you love our kids.
the way you live your beliefs.
how you look when you wake up.
the sound of you sleeping.
when you have long nails and scratch my back.
holding your hand.
your laugh.
when you cry and are not ashamed to do so.
your focus.
the way you check the alarm clock multiple times.
your (my, actually) ratty old sweatshirt that you refuse to throw away cuz it is comfortable!
your voice.
your beauty, inside and out.
your heart.
the way you put with my obsessions.
your facebook addiction.
your love of the Bachelor, and that you don't let me ridiculing you for it stop you from watching it.
the way you are your own person -- not feeling the need to live up to anyone elses' expectations.
the role model you are in faith and life for our girls.
how much joy you bring to the world.
that you love Caribou caramel coolers, and high rises, and...
that we laugh at the same things.
YOU!!!

Thanks for sharing your life with me, for being the biggest blessing outside Jesus. I love ya, baby!

MLK

I am thinking about change, about people who have changed the world, who have changed my world. Martin Luther King, Jr. -- I wish I could say he has had more of an impact on who I am; his "I have a dream..." is powerful. What he hoped for as a daddy resonates with me deeply; he was a man who loved Jesus and believe in the power of the gospel to draw us together as people is something I share as well. As I think about it today, here are some folks who have shaped and impacted me:

Mom and Dad -- obvious choice, yeah? But it is true. They raised me to love others, to believe in myself, and trusted me to make good decisions. That has profoundly impacted how I do my job, how I parent, and how I live. I hope the foundation that I am providing is as influential as it was for me.

Russ and Sue -- they trusted me to love and care for their daughter, which is the biggest gift to me outside of salvation. They love me like their own, and inspire me to be the same with my kids' spouses.

Kari -- she believed in me when I didn't believe in myself; loves me like Jesus does, and pushes me to be better. Wow.

John Eldridge -- "Wild at Heart" changed mine. Another push (and kick in the junk) to become a man, to be bold, to chase and realize my dreams.

John Kline -- a friend, a mentor, a damn good pastor. I'm honored to walk with him.

Brennan Manning -- a spiritual director, drowning me in a tub of God's love and grace. A voice that reminds me not to hide and to love who I see in the mirror.

Jesus -- Duh. Savior, Redeemer, Friend. Lion, Lamb, Yahweh.

My kids -- Kristyn, BW, and Em. They are the reason I'll fight for right and good in this world, the people who I love more than any other. They are maddening and bring joy beyond compare. What a gift.

I'm grateful for these folks who have made me better, have made me me.

"working" on friday?

So I'm in, wrestling about with Amos; kinda nice to study @ my desk, drink coffee, and not feel a ton of pressure today? Not sure why, might be the wedding that got moved that I was going to coordinate this weekend. Think JLo in "the Wedding Planner", without super sexy Matt Mcconahey to sweep me off my feet? I digress...Emy is downstairs, I'm NOT doing work stuff, but rather doing (think loosely) hebrew exegesis. Not sure what that means, except that I'm crazy deep in detail work that is driving me crazy. Ah well...

Thanks for Caribou Blend, Lord. It might be the vessel of your Spirit's blessing these days...

I have spent entirely too much time in my head, and I feel like Jacob tonight, having wrestled with God about many, many things. I am mentally drained. Yogurt, a non-edifying Mt. Everest book, and rest await. Adios, blogosphere. I hate buzz words.

I love Jesus.
I love Kari.
I love my babies.
I love snow.
I love to be outside, with all of the aforementioned things.

Goodnight, sweet moon.

Prayer Time

So, everything I am reading and hearing lately is the call to pray, and pray diligently. Funny as how I have a hard time getting through "A" prayer without getting side-tracked or falling asleep(which happens the most). So, on the way to work, and home, and in the mornings before I arise, I have been conscious about praying and praying boldly. Not just, oh God, if ya can, but God, I NEED YOU NOW!! I know you can hear and I KNOW you will answer and I am trying to consciously focus on Him actually answering prayers. (even the minute ones) _ it is pretty powerful- there are even some tough prayers to pray and yet I know I am to be bold and ask- he will answer! So, my thoughts lead to ask, and you shall receive. I am boldly going there----does it seem selfish, Yes maybe, but God wants to hear from me- That is where I am at that moment. Yes, whether I believe it some days or not, God does care about ME!! He created me in His inmost being and He wants to love me as I am - there is my chance to love me too, for who I am and for who He created me to be!! I am Loved!! I think of that little pin people used to wear (I am loved)and think I need that daily reminder- that is what matters! (That, and that my sins are forgiven!!) AMEN!!

winter sports 2 a days -- skiing and hiking, shoeing and skiing...looks to be a weights in the basement and shoe over lunch day. If my body was designed to hold muscle, I would be an Adonnis. As it is, I am a little man with skinny legs and a goofy smile cuz I am having WAY too much fun. Bring on the snow, baby!

Pictures to come...

Great day

waking up warm next to Kari. early morning ski. run to Lowe's with the eldest offspring to make a cool little crafty deal. Lunch at home, time with the in-laws for ice cream, then an evening snow hike. CRAZY full moon tonight. Saturdays don't get much better!

Here is some of the evidence:

Snow is on the way -- maybe 2" by tomorrow (enough for skis, not snowshoes), and then more Monday thru Wednesday. Yahoo!

Grandma is pretty sick -- not sure what to make of it, how to feel about it. Sad for sure, but happy that her life has been LIVED and she loves Jesus and ready for her not to hurt anymore. Prayers there, yeah?

Recovering from a wierd night of fever/chills. I don't remember shaking like that before -- like my teeth were going to break. I can handle cold, usually handle illness pretty well. Wed. night was one tough one, though. I'm sorry, Kari! I might have even pulled my already super tight hamstrings in the midst. Still hurts to walk.

I am a little perturbed @ the wifey -- no desire to poop in the woods? How are we doing backcountry hiking and camping? You can't hold it forever.

Fridays rule. I like days off. I could totally be a stay at home dad.

Random Ramblings

So, What would I like to do......
Go in a hot air balloon again
climb a mountain
be the best mom and wife
win a large sum of money
maybe skydive
swim with dolphins
go to Disneyworld
learn to ballroom dance (with Brent)

What would I not do........
Go anywhere with crocodiles living
poop in the woods
learn to play the french horn
live on life support
run a marathon
plus I am sure many other things that will come to me later......

I'm not sure I want to do this

My classes opened up today. 3 different classes, including my last quarter of Hebrew. It is likely going to be challenging, but worth it. I started to think this morning and last night, though...do I really want to do this? It is hard for me to think about 2 and 1/2 more years of studies, and then what? Does God call us somewhere? Does my current role change? What does this interim period look like -- more lock ins and youth retreats, and wrestling with what I think I want to do, what I think God is asking, and what is real and feasible for me and the family? I had a moment of really considering stopping this class stuff for a bit -- it is so draining at moments, I get so wound up about it, I feel like I'm not me. Then I think of what is to come, how this is benefitting my family in the long run, me personally, and how my path has been crossed with 7 other men who would come here tonight if I needed them. Those reasons are reason enough to continue. Plus, I don't want to let my loved ones, who've invested SO much in this, my church, and myself down. I don't quit, and I'm not intending to now. So it is steady on, nose to the grindstone, doing all I can to focus and carve out time to remember why I'm on this journey. It is not for me; I believe I've been called to it. I've tried to run from calling in the past, and that worked out pretty poorly. I pray and believe this run I'm on has kingdom implications, and that is inspiring for certain. So it is steady on.

Things I will never do

There a lot of things I hope to do:

reclimb Quandry Peak outside Breckenridge, CO.
See Yellowstone.
Learn to ballroom dance.
Live to see my grandkids.
Retire to a log cabin in NE Iowa, walk and fish and drink coffee and spoil said grandkids.
Write a book.

Easy to think of what I'd like to do. Here are some things I will never do:

Skydive. No sense in leaving a perfectly good airplane.
Rob a bank. Duh.
Pierce any more body parts.
Climb a mountain like Everest. Too much money. Too much risk. Way too many chances to die unnecessarily. Way too many.
Eat the crap they put on Fear Factor.
Eat the crap I used to eat regularly.

Now that I've started, there aren't many things coming to mind. More for this list later.

Test run

Hello...is there anybody in there?